Welcome 2012!


And we have entered in 2012! This time of the year, I always feel enthusiasm to do something special. Somehow I become a dreamer. I dream for a happy life for me as well as for others. I wish to see happiness all around me. I make some resolutions. I make plan for the New Year.

Christmas

Christmas brings a message of hope

(Christmas comes and Christmas goes...but does it leave any message! For some may be 'YES' for some may be 'NO'. But I always find something meaningful something special for my life...and this year is HOPE)

Every year on December 24, as the sun sets on the West, Christians all over the world begin to sing, “Silent night holy night, all is calm, all is bright….” and thus begins the celebration of Christmas, the remembrance of the birth of Jesus.

HE has a plan!

For the last couple of weeks I have been sick. It does not mean that I am bed ridden. There was no external sign. I have been doing everything normally as I was doing before. I met our house doctor several times but he seems to be taking very lightly. He neither examined my body nor did he ask me to do any x-ray. As my situation was becoming worse my Superior asked me to meet the doctor for the last time and then we would go to another doctor. With a heavy mind I went to meet the doctor. To my great surprise there was a different doctor. He came on a replacement. He was so kind to me. He gave a patient hearing to my problem. He also suggested the further course of action. As I was coming out of the doctor’s chamber I thought of meeting a person who resides just next door. Not sure of knowing where he was, I called him. He was in his room and asked me to come to his room. I went to his room and to my great surprise I found he had just returned from the hospital. He was admitted in the hospital and had an operation. I spent sometimes with him.

Life is a game!

The entire building of Gesu (my community) is square shape. Thus from my room I can see the other part of the building. We young Jesuits (those who are in formation) stay in side and other side is being used by the senior Jesuits. These senior Jesuits, after many years of service and active ministry are sent here for rest and prayer. From my window I can see windows of their rooms. Sometimes when the curtains are put aside I can even see their rooms, their movements. In the morning I usually open the window just to get the fresh air. Sometimes I see nuns and male nurses taking care of them. I often wonder that they must have helped so many people in their lifetime! I also think that one day I will have to move to other side. It may not be this very house but another community of Jesuits where senior Jesuits reside. This might take 30years, 40 years, 50 years or even more. But I will have to move and this is the reality.

The space between our block and the other side is being used as th basketball court. Basketball and sometimes football is being played here. I often consider this basketball court is my life. Within another two years I will have to put myself in this court. As in the game there is lose and victory, in my life too there will be success and failure, sorrows and happiness. There will be moment when people will praise me and again there will be moment when they condemn. But I will have to play this game. Life is really a game and it depends how do we play this game…!

How well do you know him?

Recently I was asked to give my opinion about one of my companions with whom I had lived a couple of years. I had to follow a set of questions. The very first question was- ‘how well do you know him?’ When I saw it I thought I know him sufficiently well as we lived together and have had many sweet memories. But then as I proceeded further I found it very difficult to continue. I had to give a pause. I thought for a while. I asked myself if some of my friends are asked to give their opinions about me with all these questions how many of them will be able to give!

I wish I could...

It was so perfect! It was so beautiful. I do not have any words to describe it. I was lost. I do not remember when was the last time I felt so lost.

I was studying…doing something serious …trying to do parallel study between two Gospels. My room was pretty cold. The door and windows were closed. Heating machine was on. Tagore songs were being played. Wonderful words…every word was touching me. The music was helping me to concentrate more. At one point I could hear the sounds of rain. I opened the windows. It was raining. From my window I could see the dome of the church of Jesus. In fact I could see one side of the entire Church. As I paid more attention I saw some birds were hiding in the different hols of the Church building. They all wanted to escape the rain. They have found a save haven in the house of God. How lucky they were! I wish I could I have been like birds…for a moment If I could also hide in the wings of God…Gazing at the sky I was lost…but it gave me joy, hope and peace…

At Christmas...

Part 1: "Christmas is at my heart!"

When João said ‘Christmas is at my heart,’ I stopped for a while. It was in the middle of our light conversation when he said that. We were returning from our classes and we were just happened to be together. João, my companion and my first friend (I never told him that!) from Europe, whom I call ‘goof’.

Why do I pray?

Years back once I was asked to address a group of young people on the importance of prayer. Before the talk I was told that these young people whom I was about to talk were living a life far from the Church teachings. The organizer had asked me to use a secular language to say something about prayer. Thus I had to be very careful about the use of language. I began with a story-a story very real and touching. They seemed to have liked it. Then I asked them if they could live without prayer. All of them answered 'yes.' They said that they did not go to the Church, they did not recite the Rosary but they were living a happy life. At this point, I asked them what they would do just before exams, or if their dear ones would have met with an accident. They said that they would remember God. Then I said that was a prayer. Prayer does not mean going to the Church or reciting the Rosary. Prayer is a union with God. Immediately I could sense a 'change.' I carried on with my topic. At the end, I was surprised to notice that all of them agreed that they did pray!

Why do I still love the Catholic Church?

(Last summer I had many occasions to meet a lot of young people from different countries. During my interactions with them I had to deal topics like, why I do want to become a priest? Why I became a Jesuit? Why do I still love the Church….and many more why. Here I tried to put in writing some of my thoughts which I shared with them. These are to be treated as my personal opinions)

I left him without…

Many of friends check Google map, bus number and weather forecast when they need to go somewhere. I usually leave without any preparation. I have many guides and they are ‘my countrymen’. There are lot of Bangladeshi living and working (!) in Rome. Often I get talk to them. Especially when I go out with my non-Bangladeshi/Indian friends, my countrymen come to me and talk. They often think I am having a great job here. They tell me their problems and at the end ask for a job. One thing I must say that they never ask for money. Just work!

Rashed is one of them. A few days ago on a fine evening I went out for a walk with a friend. Rashed was selling flowers at the Piazza Popolo. Rashed, aged 20, quite handsome and smiling face. “Dada life is tough here” he said “why did I come here? My father sold the property and gave me money to come here. Now I cannot survive myself here, how could I send money for my poor parents?”

This is not the first time I heard such stories. But the innocent face of Rashed touched me. I understand his pain! I had nothing to offer him except few words of consolation. I left him without…

Am I...?

She talked while I listened. We spent almost two hours. I tried my best to give her full attention. She poured out all her sufferings. She narrated how she was being misunderstood. Many raised questions about her relationship with others. She was not given any importance…As she was talking I could feel the mental agony she was going through.


But at the end she said something beautiful. She said, “I learnt from all these problems that I should not be the cause of other’s problems.”

She left…but she left a thought to think over, ‘am I the cause of other’s problems?’

The language of ‘love’

Last few days I was trying to pen something for my blog. I had thought of different topics and even began to pen. But unfortunately I could not put an end. I had to give up! Why? I asked myself! Perhaps the pressure of study, struggle of languages (as recently I added Latin!) or may be a bit homesick…

Part 1

Why do I want to become a priest?

This question has been haunting me for quite sometimes. Many times I had to face this question. I did try to give answer but somehow I was not satisfied with my answer. I was looking something deep, something profound and moreover something convincing. Almost a decade ago, when I joined the Jesuits I had different views of priesthood. I was fortunate to have met some good and holy priests in my childhood. They were well respected. I did have the similar experience in Indian too.

The happiness…

Often I do seek for happiness! I do enjoy every moment when I am happy. But how/where do I get happiness! I did think about it in the past. But never was I so serious to find an appropriate answer. I always thought happiness must be something to do with philosophy or psychology. But it was only yesterday dinner time I experienced a sense of great happiness and joy. Thought it might appear very stupid but for me it was a new discovery. Yesterday morning while having breakfast, I had a very interesting chat with an Italian Jesuit. He was narrating to me about his trip to India. Though many years I spent in India (sometimes do feel I am an Indian!), I did not notice many of the things which he noticed during his short stay. I was surprised to note how he described the happiness of Indian people. As an example he said that Indian people experience a great sense of happiness after having a decent meal. I was surprised to note it. I never gave a thought in this way.

Now what was my happiness? After a three months summer vacation I am just back to Rome. The first one month I was in Bangladesh and had ‘Bangladeshi/Indian food’ practically every day. But the last two months I was mostly travelling in Europe. I was looking forward to have some decent Indian food. Yesterday I was so happy when I saw rice and dal for the dinner. I ate almost the double amount than the other days. I really felt a sense of happiness as I was having my dinner. How true that Italian Jesuit was!!!Happiness is in and around us…only just we have to see and find it…

Remembering a lost friend!

I have almost forgotten that the friendship day is being celebrated today! When I opened my facebook this morning I happened to notice it. Thus I sent wishes to some of my friends. Though I am not so crazy about sending wishes, it was in a way replying their wishes.

Is it really ‘wrong’!

Is it really ‘wrong’!


I must admit that due to social media I have recently been connected with many of my friends whom I did not meet ages. As I plan to visit my country in a few days time, many of them asking me to meet them. They often remind me of our golden yesterdays. One of the things I find common in all of them that they keep on telling me that our childhood days were really good. As we grow we have many problems, many anxieties and many concerns. I do agree with them and think is it too difficult to have a mind like child!

Hi friend! Hello friend!

Hi friend! Hello friend!




friendship...it happens!



A few days ago I came across a very interesting article on friendship and social media. It has been a matter of proud to have more friends on social media. The author has rightly pointed out how social media has changed the real meaning of friendship. I had a very interesting reflection (not philosophical!) on friendship just a couple days ago. As I was returning home after having gone through an unpleasant incident, I was thinking with whom I should share. I was looking for someone whom I could trust, whom I could rely on and more ever who would stand by me instead of condemning me. It would have been easy for me to share with many if it would have been a pleasant incident. I do call many as friends, consider many as my friends, have a sizeable number of friends on social pages like facebook, orkut, blog, skyp…! But are they really my friends! A thought remained with me for sometimes…

Offering God...

Yes my devotion to my books has increased rapidly. The books I read are all about the Bible, theology, church, liturgy…and about God! As I browse through the pages of my notes I ask myself, ‘can I really study God?’ I have no answer. All I know is that I can have the experience of God and in fact I am doing it. As St Ignatius puts it, “finding God in everything…” how true these words are… my struggles, my fear, my tension, my weaknesses, my shortcomings, my success, my temptations, my studies, my parents, my friends, my books, my room, my religious life, my three vows…God is there in everything! I offer them all to you…

ciao...Greek

A year has gone by…

A year has gone by! Today I have finished my first year of theological study. Its time to get ready for exams. Just study, study and study!

Ciao Greek!

At the end of Greek exams, the only words I could speak is, ‘Ciao Greek.’ Finally its over. I must admit it had been terrible. Thanks God its over! Now looking forward to Latin!

As we grow…

As we grow…


In the middle of our conversation my good friend asked, “Why do we have so many tensions? Why cannot be life simple?” I did not have any answer to give her. Then she began to tell that when she was studying she did not have anything to worry. Her parents looked after all her needs. But as she moved from the family and began to live separately while having a job, things have begun to change.

Nostalgia...

‘Nostalgia’ I must admit that I have a special affection for this word. When I learned this word for the first time, I simply loved it. For me this little word carries certain amount of emotion. I do not really recall if ever I had used this word in any of my writings! But time it comes within my heart…

It’s a problem or difficulty!

It’s a problem or difficulty!


This morning I had gone to the beatification ceremony of Pope John Paul II at the St Peter’s Square. It was a special moment for me as he would be the first blessed of the Catholic Church whom I saw. I had seen him as a young boy of six, when he came to visit my country. I always cherish that moment. If I begin to write on the impression he had left in me, I may pen a few pages, which I do not intend to do right now. Rather I would pen a simple thought which has been haunting me since morning.

Silently doing the God’s will

Silently doing the God’s will

For a day the festivity was all around our house. It was the occasion of the Diaconal Ordination of the third year. There were many guests, many unfamiliar faces. From my room I could hear the crying of children and laughing of women in our corridor. Later I heard from one of my companions that he got up from bed early in the morning as I heard the crying of a child. Initially he was not sure either he was dreaming.

At Easter: my thought…

At Easter: my thought…


Years ago, sometimes immediately after Easter, when I was doing my college studies in Calcutta, a Jesuit priest offered Holy Mass in our community. He was a pastor working among the tribal people. The simple but profound homily he preached for us touched my heart. The few sentences he spoke would be as follows: ‘I experience Risen Christ among the people with whom I work. They are poor, illiterate and in our modern sense uncivilized. They do not have many needs. They work hard, spend all the earnings in eating and drinking, respect each other and faithfully follow all the Church’s teachings. When they have any problem they come to me and ask for solution. Often I do not have any solution to their problems. Sometimes I take them to the Church, show them the Crucifixion and tell them that Jesus died for us because He loved us. But his life story is not ended with his death. He overcame the death to give us new life. If we believe in his resurrection we will have new life and he will look after all our needs. Theses simple often believe my words. They surrender their problems at the feet of Jesus. Some of them do come back to me after few days to thank me for the blessing and prayer.

I found the words very profound and up-lifting. Many years have gone by since I heard those words. But surprisingly every year at the time of Easter I remember these words. In my own life, when things are not in order, when I do not find the solution of many problems I remember those words of the holy priest. I look at the Risen Lord and draw inspiration for him.

What about you?

As I turn 30…thinking of all the surprises!

As I turn 30…thinking of all the surprises!
Have I ever given a thought of how to celebrate my 30th birthday? My 20th birthday was grand so as 25th. I must admit that I am not very fussy about celebrating birthday with lot of external celebrations. I have tried to avoid celebrating my birthday, but often I have failed. Often in the past, some of my close friends made sure that I ‘celebrate’ it.

If only we knew!

If only we knew!
Often I wonder! I look at the people and think what they must be thinking or going through in their lives. Sometimes I feel like asking some people, what are you thinking. But I cannot. Once I had an opportunity to attend a conference on suicide. We spoke many different aspects of suicide. I remember making a resolution to take interest of knowing people around me. But often I failed!
Years back I was staying in a hostel while doing my college studies. One day I noticed one of my class-mates was very sad. He was the most handsome and intelligent in our group. I hardly had any interaction with him. I would always consider him very ‘moody’. That day I went near to him and began to talk. As we continued our conversation he revealed something, which I never expected. He told me that he came from a very poor family and he was finding very difficult to meet all his needs. Even he did not buy the text-books though exams were approaching soon. At one point I asked him, then how could remain so happy all the time? ‘’This is just to hide my sorrow’’ his immediate reply. Thereafter we shared our books and became good friends.
Today after many years I remember my friend. I do not know where he is. May be I have to search him among the unknown faces…!

I pray

I pray...
Last few days I have been deeply thinking about the problems of Libya and Japan. The problem of Libya could be easily termed as men made, while the problem in Japan is a natural disaster. There are some underlined factors involved for this natural disaster, and I have no intention to discuss about the cause of havoc. What pain me are the sufferings of the innocent of people. Though I was never directly affected by the natural disaster but I have seen the endless sufferings of the people.
These days as I read and discuss that we are the ‘children of God’ I often wonder if God is our loving Father why does he permits the suffering of the people. Why cannot he save us? I have no answer!
But I see the face of God in the faces of suffering people. I see our Lord is suffering with the victims. He takes the side of the ‘voiceless’.
I pray for the victims. I pray for the peace. I pray that all may see the face of our Lord, especially those who are responsible for the problems, in the midst of victims.

If only!

She is one of the recent ones! Finally (!) she left the religious order. Though I was sad to receive the news but I was not surprised. I knew for quite sometimes that she was going through inner struggles. She indirectly gave me hints that she was planning to leave convent.

Thou hast made me known to friends whom I knew not.

Thou hast made me known to friends whom I knew not.
Thou hast given me seats in homes not my own.
Thou hast brought the distant near and made a brother of the stranger. (Rabindranath Tagore)
Often I ponder over these words of Tagore. How true they are in my life! Almost 11 years ago I left my home, my country. My study and mission took me to different countries. I met different people. They welcomed me in their homes and accepted me as one of them. I often wonder why people love me. Take the examples of Mrs Particia. I have met her just a few months ago. She is ever ready to welcome me into her home. She cooks my favorite dishes. She calls me often and enquires about my health and study.

I have reached 50!


Yes, finally exams are over. Last one month everything became topsy-turvy. It will not be exaggeration if I say I literally confined myself in my room. The only place I visited during these days was my university for the exams. The exams pressure was so heavy that I had to leave aside little activities, which I usually enjoy doing. These included my evening walk, little exercise, playing TT, watching film, chatting with my friends, email, face-book and blog. Thanks God, exams are over! Now I can get back to normal life.

Yet another year!

Lost and found!!!
Two weeks have gone by since we welcomed 2011. What makes me surprise that I have not penned anything during these days! How come it possible! I have thought of penning a few lines a many times. But always something or other came on my way. But today, after reading a simple mail, I forced myself to sit in front of my computer.