My “last” formal formation as a Jesuit!

No 10: My ‘TEN’ Take away from the Tertianship!

On the last day of our Tertianship programme, our director Fr Baylon said, “The initial formation as a Jesuit is over for you. Here begins the ‘ongoing formation’ which lasts till the last breath of your life.” These words resonated for quite sometimes. The marathon journey of my formation that I began in 2000 has finally came to an end in 2021(except six years of active ministries in between). As I leave Kandy Tertianship, I carry with me certain thoughts or sentences which added ‘meaning’ during Tertianship. My ‘Ten Take away’ are:

·       1.  Its Ok- There are times when we cannot execute our plans, when problems seem to be all around us, when our dear ones leave us, when people misunderstand us, when we face with challenges, we fail...just learn to say, “its ok”.

·        2. Gratitude is an attitude- we have received many things before asking. Be grateful for all the blessings...and make gratitude an attitude. 

·        3. Love does not get tired- ‘Love’ can bring about any change in life. Love is the ultimate source of everything. Let our life be the manifestation of love.

·         4.Don’t react to the other’s opinions- when we react to other’s opinion, we are indirectly approving the opinions. Everyone has right to give opinion.

·        5. Our own spirituality- we are all spiritual beings. Spirituality connects us with the Creator, with others and with ourselves.   

·         6.Be a founder- don’t be a follower only. Be a founder in whatever way we can.

·        7. Humility is the outcome of the encounter between Divinity and Humanity.

·         8.Union through loving service, Service out of Union.

·         9.We are forgiven sinner.

·        10. We are special, we are loved.

 

My “last” formal formation as a Jesuit!

No 9: Life goes on in the fifth week!

Often we Jesuits jokingly say that we begin the ‘fifth week in life’ after completing the 30-day long retreat.  The 30-day long retreat or the month long Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius is categorically divided into four weeks. Thus, the beginning of normal life (!), after the retreat is often referred as the fifth week. The fifth week comprises the entire life.

Interestingly, many people wanted to know if I have found any difference in my ordinary life after the long retreat which I had made recently. Some even sarcastically commented that I had become more holy after the retreat. Often, I laughed with them! But how is my journey in the fifth week!

The Covid 19 continues

I cannot deny the fact that I have been fretted with the escalating of Covid 19 in South Asia in recent days. The pandemic badly hit the lives of people. I was particularly concerned for the daily labourers, who earn their daily bread on daily basis. Many have lost their jobs and poverty rate is increasing. The media is giving full coverage of the plights of people. In front of this catastrophe, I plea to Jesus as the disciples did when they were caught in storm (Mt 8:23-27).   

The death of Fr Stan SJ in India

The untimely death of Fr Stan is deplorable. I remember getting a short message from a fellow Jesuit, who wrote: they have managed to kill him. Exasperated with the news, I thank the Lord for giving us an example, a role model. He is a martyr and a prophet of our times. He gave voice to the voiceless, stood for the justice and laid down his life for Christ. He invites us not to be a silent spectator, rather sacrificing one’s own life for others.   

The crisis in Afghanistan

The collapsed of the Afghan government was precipitated which made everything topsy-turvy. The images of desperate Afghans, who are risking their lives to flee from the country portrays a glimpse of the ground reality. I don’t know who is to be blamed for the present crisis. I am concerned for the innocent civilians. I am worried for the orphan children, for the widows, for the injured persons, for the refugees... (to be continued)

 

 

A letter to St Ignatius of Loyola

(Just before entering into the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola, I was asked to present the autobiography of St Ignatius during a prayer vigil on the eve of the Spiritual Exercises (hereafter SpEx). I presented it in a letter format that St Ignatius writes to all the retreatants and narrates his own personal experiences. On the last day of the retreat, I began to pen the reply of his letter. This is just a personal experience.)

Dear Father Inigo,

I prefer to call you Inigo. I find more of personal attachment with your family name, Inigo.

I had begun the journey to be with the Lord for 30 days (though it lasted for 32 days), following your instructions with a beautiful prayer vigil. The marathon prayer got over with the Eucharistic celebration at midnight. Thus, I entered into a monastic silence, both interior as well as exterior.

I began with the meditation on “Principle and Foundation” of the SpEx. You led me to experience that God has created everything and if God is experienced as the centre of all, then there is no need to deny anything, not even the world. While recognizing and praising God in everything, I became aware of my brokenness. I am fragile, week...But how beautifully you made me to feel that I am a loved sinner. You invited me to see graces in my brokenness and experience God’s mercy and compassionate through the sacrament of reconciliation. Then I began to contemplate on the incarnation. Jesus is born for me (I prefer to say ‘only for me!’). While reflecting on the earthly life of Jesus Christ, you inspired me to ask for the grace to know Jesus clearly, follow him closely and love him dearly.

To make Jesus more personal, you led me to reflect on the Baptism of Jesus, on his temptations, on his missions...I went on with Jesus, wherever He went. The key meditations like Two Standards helped me to have knowledge of Christ, The Three classes helped me to make my commitment to Christ way and finally The Three degree helped me to have loving commitment to the person of Christ.

After having gone through the life and Mission of Christ, I entered with him to the last days of his earthly life- his last supper, suffering and death on the Cross. Deep within me I felt, Jesus was born for me so did he die for me! But Jesus won over the death and was Risen- a new life begins. I shared the joy of the disciples who were overwhelmed to meet the Risen Lord. Then you led me to contemplate on the finding of God in everything.  

Thus, I came to the end of the journey. I have roughly touched upon the topics of mediations, but this journey was a process where I became close to Jesus and I tried to see the world with the eyes of Jesus. And, of course Father Ignatius, I tried to give you a chance to inspire me. You were very much alive with me.

I know soon I will enter into the real world. I may not have time to reflect and pray hours after hours (Neither you want from me!). But the experiences that I had gathered will continue to inspire me to your path by experiencing Christ in my life and in my mission.

Continue to inspire me, Father Inigo.

(Composed immediately after the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius during Tertianship in Srilanka, 2021)  

My “last” formal formation as a Jesuit!

No 8: God is ‘actively’ present in our life.

Two weeks have just passed since we I began the Tertianship. We have been listening to each other’s’ stories and reflecting on the life of St Ignatius of Loyola.

The more I listen to, the more I reflect on, the more I study, one thought becomes more prominent- God is ‘actively’ present in our life.

A journey begins, when I try to experience ‘active’ God in my life!

My “last” formal formation as a Jesuit!

No 7: My sweet Jesuit home.

Our novice master used to tell us, “Once you are Jesuit, any Jesuit community in the world is your home.” Having lived in different Jesuit communities in different countries, I can truly confirm the statement of my novice master. After spending (the)14 days at the hotel, I came to a Jesuit community. It was really coming to my own home!

A big hug from a Jesuit companion made me feel welcomed. It was a meeting of after twelve years. He showed me the room, a very traditional Jesuit room with very little things. He invited me for a cup of tea. I immediately graved the opportunity. Sipping a cup of tea, we began to share our lives. Specially, we began to enquire about our common friends.

We were all together four Jesuits in the community. What did we do in these three days? We have had long chats, long drives, long walks, we cooked our own food...and, of course, we have had manual works too.

We these good memories, tomorrow (15/04/21) I go to Kandy to begin my Tertianship.

My “last” formal formation as a Jesuit!

No 6: It is possible to live even with...

(The) 14 Days stay in a hotel have just entered into my memory. I was confined in a small room. There were just two beds (we were two of us), only one small (really small) table and a chair. There was hardly any space left in the room.

It was around 3.30am when I checked in the room. I was so tired that I went to bed immediately. I got up in the morning as I had to go for COVID test. After the breakfast, I went to bed again. I got up on time just for the lunch. I took long rest again after the lunch and got up late in the evening just to take shower and to have supper. The first day at the hotel passed quite fast!

Limit yourself! I began the second day, by discovering and accepting the ‘reality’. First of all, there was no facility to wash cloths and giving them to laundry would be exceptionally expensive. I cannot effort to go out for walk or any sorts of physical exercise.  I cannot get the food that I like. And most importantly, I don’t have a separate place to pray of my own.

But it did not take much time to look for other alternatives. I began to manage quite well. Perhaps my Jesuit training to ‘adjust oneself with any situation’ has helped me to adjust myself. Once, one of the senior Jesuits told me, “we, as Jesuits not only find God in everything but also we try to adjust in everything/everywhere.” How true were his words!

As I leave the hotel, (last) these 14 days will remain as memorable days in my life. I may not have the opportunity to live all by myself again for 14 days. But the experiences that I have gained will remain with me for many years...

 

My “last” formal formation as a Jesuit!

No 5: Pray even when you are ‘disturbed’.

I am not sure if I could really greet anyone ‘good morning’ today. My morning was hampered with some negative news. The first message that I received from the hotel receptionist was, “your PCR (Covid test) test result came negative.” It is a positive news though came in the form of ‘negative’ word! Then I received another call from my country. The most of the contents of our conversation was full of negative news. Then a Jesuit companion of my mine gave me another set of negative news.

A decision: I was aware of my emotions. I knew that I could not get rid of these emotions. But what I can do is to ‘being with them’. I took a decision to give a pause. I disconnected myself from the rest of the world and sat at the one corner of my room.

With Jesus: I was aware of my emotions. I was sad, angry, frustrated...I opened the today’s Gospel reading. Today’s Gospel tells us Jesus’ apparition to His disciples. Jesus appeared to His disciples who were utterly disappeared after His death. He sat with them, listens to them, shares their concern and sufferings...Gradually I entered into the scene. I was consoled with His presence. I was motivated to face the world even it was full of ‘negativity’.

Have a good day to you all...

My “last” formal formation as a Jesuit!

No 4: Easter message!

I have received many messages these days, explaining the importance of the Easter Sunday. Among many messages, I liked a short message which was sent to me by a Sister (also a psychologist), who was my class-mates in Rome. She writes, “our life is in between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Easter Sunday becomes meaningful because there is a Good Friday, similarly Good Friday makes a huge impact because it is followed by the Easter Sunday. We need to accept both Good Fridays and Easter Sundays in our life. But we need to have faith like the women of the Gospel, who went to the tomb to meet Jesus. Knowing the fact that the tomb is covered with a huge stone, they went to meet Jesus. What a good example of faith!”

It is true that we can live in between Good Fridays and Easter Sundays of life if only we have Faith- Faith in God, Faith in others and Faith in ourselves.

 

My “last” formal formation as a Jesuit!

 No 3: Good Friday at the hotel!

(As far as my memory goes (I suppose my memory does not betray me!) that I have never missed any Good Friday liturgy. Even, I had the opportunity to preside over Good Friday liturgies after my ordination. But today I am confined in a room. As I sit at one corner of the room, I tried to pray, reflect, meditate or being with the Lord. My dialogue with Jesus...)

Jesus: Yes, it is the day, marked as the ‘failure day’ in your life. You were defeated. You accepted the ugly human plots against you. You surrendered yourself to the wickedness of the fellow human beings. But God has not left you. God has raised you to life on the third day, the resurrection day.

Me/we: In life, failures are bound to take place. Sometimes we need to make ourselves ‘victim’ for the sake of others. We become prey of ugly plots, wickedness or dirty politics. But that is not the end...there is always third day!

Jesus: You carried the Cross. Your cross was the full of others’ sins. You fell three times while carrying the burden of others, but you went on...You did not want to become cross for others. You simply followed the instructions of the soldiers without any argument.

Me/we: In life, we need to carry our cross too. Our cross could be consisted of others faults, stupidity, weakness. But we need to carry the Cross. We should not become cross for others.

Prayer: Jesus help me to lead a life where I don’t become cross for others. Rather I may carry others’ cross.

My “last” formal formation as a Jesuit!

No. 2: At the airport!

You were a God sent person to me! Thank you...

Today is the Maundy Thursday, a very special day for every Christian. I was obviously sad that I would miss all the liturgical ceremonies of this sacred time. I received many greetings of happy feast (it is also observed as priest day). While browsing through all the messages, I saw a message from Sajol. It reads, “Brother, you were a God sent person to me. Thank you ...”

I met Sajol at the airport, while travelling to Srilanka. While waiting to get boarding pass, a boy in his early twenties showed his passport and asked me, “Dada (brother) is my paper okay?” I had a quick look at the passport and told him, “everything is fine. You are going to have good time in abroad.” He gave a very innocent look. It was quite obvious that he was travelling for the first time. He informed me that he was going to Saudi Arabia along with nine more young men. Finally, I told him, “don’t worry Sajol. Come back to me if you need any help.” He gave a surprised look and asked me, “how do you know my name?” I smiled and said, “it is very simple. I saw your name in the passport.”

I got the boarding pass and was waiting for the check-in. Again Sajol came to me and asked for some information. I felt pity for him and took little interest to know about him. He spent a huge amount of money to get the visa to a broker. He was badly need of a job to sustain his family. I encouraged him and positively spoke of the possible bright future of his life. He also asked some questions about me and asked me to help him at the transit airport.

Our transit airport was in Doha. After coming out of the aeroplane, I gave him some instruction and I went to a less crowded place for a little rest. While I was trying to catch up with my friends over the phone, Sajol came to me and asked, if he could get lunch with his boarding pass. It seems the travel agent mentioned that he would get lunch as he had transit of more than twelve hours. I took him to a ‘help desk’ and spoke to the concern person on behalf of him. The kind lady of the ‘help desk’ informed me that he can take lunch at the specific restaurant. He was so happy when I told him about the lunch. I took him to the specific restaurant and helped him to order for food. He insisted that I should share meal with him. I politely declined and left him. Before I left, Sajol asked for my Facebook account name.

People like Sajol give meaning to my priestly life.

 

 

My “last” formal formation as a Jesuit!

(In this column, I hope to share with you my experiences of Tertianship in Srilanka. Tertianship or the second noviciate is considered as the last formal formation as Jesuit.)

No 1: The unexpected ‘Mission’ from the Provincial!

I was supposed to go for Tertianship in 2020. But the pandemic situation has changed the plan of my provincial. Instead, he missioned me to the formation cum retreat house as a residential staff. I began to enjoy every bit of my time there... In midst of other activities, I almost forgot about the Tertianship and began to immersed myself with other activities.

On January 29, I was going to make my annual retreat to another city. While travelling, I just happened to see a message from my provincial. It reads, “I gave your name for Tertianship which begins after Easter.” I just replied – “thanks” and waited for more instruction from the province curia.  

In middle of February, I had to send an official mail to the socius (assistant Provincial). While acknowledging my mail, he casually asked me, “have you got any news from Srilanka?” My immediate reply was “no” and I curiously asked him, “do I need to send any mail?” He suggested me to get in touch with the director.

Visa and the airport!

As an obedient Jesuit (?), I sent a mail to the director of Tertianship programme. There was a quick reply from him with the instruction to send my passport details. I sent him all the details and there was no reply from him. Suddenly on March 8, I received a mail from the director, asking me to send him my flight details and he asked me to book tickets for March 18. I booked the tickets and sent him the details. Again, there was no reply from him. I sent him a mail on March 15, just before cancelling my tickets as there was no sign of visa. He sent me reply immediately, asking me to do PCR test on March 16 as the visa will be sent to me on March 16. I did the test and the result came ‘negative’ but the visa arrived only on March 17 evening.

On March 18, I arrived at the airport. But I was barred to board as Ii didn’t have landing permission from the Srilankan’s Govt. I returned to the Jesuit community and began to collect all the documents. I rebooked the tickets for March 28, thinking that the ten days are good enough to collect all the necessary approvals. I obtained many approvals but could not obtain ‘Okay to board’ from the airways. However, I came to the airport on March 28 with certain amount of uncertainties. But everything went on very well at the airport...We began our journey (to be continued).