Faults are thick where love is thin!

I must confess that ‘those days’ I was too simple! Too innocent! I would think and perceive things in different ways than I do today. I was just out of the novitiate, the first stage of Jesuit formation. I prefer to call the novitiate ‘the Jesuit making factory (!). I had just passed a few weeks since I took my first vows. The teachings of my novice director were still vivid in my mind. He knew soon I would be entering into a new world. The two years in the Novitiate was many ways a ‘protected and safe haven.'

How big is my God!

These days often I ask myself, “How big is my God?”

Being in Rome, I am fortunate enough to see the ‘BIG’ places of God. There are hundreds of Churches, lots of holy places related to saints and the tombs of saints and their relics are to be found in every corner of Rome. The priests, religious men and women are very much visible in the streets of Rome. All these places and people are supposed to manifest God. But do we really find God?

The spirituality, which I try to follow, is Ignatian Spirituality. My knowledge of Ignatian spirituality is very limited. But one sentence of St Ignatius, “finding God in everything” always keeps me down to earth. Sometimes I make God BIG and sometimes I make very small. Every task I perform, every word I utter, every moment I spend with others show how BIG or small is my God.

There is a growing tendency to make God small. We are comfortable to make ourselves BIG. Thus we make everything external BIG. This gives us identity. But our true identity God often remains small.

As I often ask myself, how big is my God!, I also wish if I could make my God BIG!

A smile speaks to me a lot!

As part of my pastoral work, yesterday I went to the house of Mother Teresa. My work was very simple. I was helping the sisters to distribute food. While distributing food, I tried to talk and crack some jokes. At one point I noticed someone caught my hand. I looked at him. He was trying to tell me something. But he was unable. With the help of his hands he asked me to get a banana. I went to the store-room and got a banana for him. I could see the joy on his face when I handed over the banana. Then I moved to the next person.

At the end of the meal, I was cleaning plates. Again I noticed some one touched me. I turned my head and saw the same person. This time he was not asking anything. With a broad smile he was trying to say ‘thank you.’ I looked at him again. His innocent smile touched me. It was something very precious. His smile spoke to me a lot. Then he left me. But his smile remains with him…

Moment like this…!

There are times when I feel get out of the routine life and do something different. Those are the moments when I listen to my heart. I just follow wherever my inner heart leads me. One of those moments was just a week ago. It was during weekend. I did some studies during the day. I had my dinner around 8:00pm. The dinner was rather quiet. While having dinner I decided to make a short walk. I returned to my room and quickly changed my dress. Locked my room and went out. I had no clear idea of where to go. I took my usual road, which leads me to Colosseo. I prefer to take this road as there are lots people. I always notice something strange and funny along the way. As I was going to Colosseo I found one side of the road there was a concert going on. There were a lot of people around. I could hear the sound of the music from far.

Hide!

Was it my mistake? Was it my mistake to bel

RIP: Gvidas

Bro Mura sj, my community member and a senior Jesuit asked me, “Did you get the news?” “What news?” I asked, with a witty smile as I do often with him.

“Gvidas went to the house of our Lord” he replied. “We will remember him in our prayer” he continued and walked towards the chapel.

It would not unfair for my part if I do not say it was expected. (I wrote about him already in my blog, a few weeks back:http://riponspeaks.blogspot.it/2012/03/we-are-friends-in-lord.html ).We all knew his days are numbered, but we did not know when it would come.

Gvidas, a young scholastic of my community was diagnosed with cancer last year. Last summer he went to the USA for his doctoral research. It was there that his illness was discovered. Before summer we all wished each other and hoped to meet again after summer. But who would have guessed that it was our last meeting with Gvidas.

Gvidas died in the presence of his mother. It must have been/is a terrible time for his mother. This reminds me the sorrows of our dear Mother. Our Mother silently bore the sufferings of her dear Son.

Gvidas your memories will always remain with us!

Are we really free!

There were many topics bubbling up in my mind. I thought of writing on different issues, different incidents or on my experiences. But then the words of my General, Fr. Adolf Nikolas have changed my plan.

Today he came to our community for his official visitation. The sermon he preached, during the Holy Mass was very touching. ‘Our interior freedom’ was one of the many topics he touched upon. He gave examples of how we are attached to certain things.

Interestingly it was just two weeks before I had an opportunity to listen to a sermon on freedom. The celebrant gave the examples of our attachments to certain things. But at the end he said one thing that we were free to love God as well as people around us. There is no one who can interfere us in this regard!

As I go to bed, I ask myself am I free? How many times I say, I, my, me…