Tips for Happiness

No. 5: Nobody is Perfect!

Life Story: Shanti, a 40 years old narrated to her spiritual guide about the imperfections of others. The guide had generously allowed her to pour out all her bitter experiences. She kept on repeating the imperfections of others each time she met her guide. One day, while sharing an event, she happened to say, “partially that was my mistake too”. The guide paused for a while and ironically said, “so you can make mistake! This is the first time I heard it from you.” She immediately replied, “of course, I can. I am a human being. I have so many imperfections.” The guide immediately encouraged her to share some of her imperfections in life. She began to share another side of her life, which she never shared with her guide. From that day onwards, changes began to take place in the life of Shanti. She found the inner peace that she was desperately looking for.

Perfection is a virtue. From the religious teachings to the social teachings, we find everywhere an earnest appeal to remain perfect. It is also a desire of many, who want to be perfect in order to be happy. But humanly speaking, it is not always possible to remain perfect. We make mistakes. We commit sins. We fall into temptations. We find some elements of imperfections in the lives of many great personalities. Sadly, we find some people find extremely difficult to accept their imperfections. They want to remain perfect!

Pope Francis once said, “there is no perfect family, no perfect father, no perfect mother and no perfect children. We are all imperfect. When we accept others imperfections, we accept our imperfections. Similarly, when we accept our imperfections, we accept others imperfections too. And in this process, we make our life a happy life.

So, let’s make a decision to accept our imperfect self.  It will make a huge difference in life...

 

Tips for Happiness

No 4. Let it be

Life story: Years back, I was asked to deliver a speech in front of a distinguished guest. My director instructed me to prepare well. He gently reminded me that my performance would portray the reputation of the institute. I took enough preparation. But, I made some simple errors while delivering the speech. I felt I had dishonoured my director. I was quite sure that he would scold me for the errors. I was so disturbed that I went to him to ask pardon. But to my great surprise he smilingly said, “let it be. It is past now. Do your best next time.” This was for the first time, that the simple expression, “let it be” brought a lot of consolations to me. I was inspired to do well next time.

There are successes and failures in our life. Every success rejuvenates us, while every failure makes us digressed. Though successes and failures are part of life, we find extremely difficult to accept our failures. The repercussion of failure leads us to give up everything even to the extent that some people want to get away with life.

One of the best ways, to accept the failure is to have the attitude of ‘let it be’. The attitude of ‘let it be’ helps us to forget the failures. In a more simplistic term, it means ‘why worry about every little thing. Just enjoy the life.’ If we have the disposition of ‘let it be’ then many problems of our life will be automatically resolved. It helps us to live a happier life.

So, let’s make a decision to have an attitude of ‘let it be’. It will make a huge difference in life...

 

Tips for Happiness

No. 3: Being present

Life story: It was during one my annual retreats, when I was constantly getting distracted with many dreams and plans for the future. I was not able to concentrate on my prayer and was feeling restless. I shared my inner turmoil with the retreat guide. He was prudent enough to recognize the elements of evil spirit. He instructed me to dwell in the present and not to entertain any dreams. I followed his instructions. Gradually, I got back the spirit of silence and I could finish my retreat quite fruitfully.  

It is good to have plans for the future. Psychologists insist on having dreams and inspiration for a successful life. As the former president of India, APJ Abdul Kalam rightly said, “Dream is not that which you see while sleeping it is something that does not let you sleep.” But there is a concept call ‘day-dream.’ Day dream takes us away from the present, and places us in the world of fantasy. Day dream does not become reality rather it kills our precious time.  

Unfortunately, many of us dedicate our precious time either thinking about the future or recalling the past. The past memory can make us guilty while the future can make us anxious. It can also bring the ‘momentary joy’. But, in the process, we miss out the present. The present has many things to offer us. Unless and until we live in the present, we miss out many opportunities. Being in the present moment is also considered living our life with full mindfulness. Living our life with full mindfulness, eventually leads us to happiness.  

So, let’s make a decision to be in the present. It will make a huge difference in life...

 

Tips for Happiness

(Who does not want to lead a happy, peaceful and successful life! It is a common human desire to be happy and successful. But are we happy? Many of us would reply ‘No’. In this column, I would regularly share some tips which would help us to lead a happy life. Let’s begin the journey)

No 2: Be positive

Life story: Jonas had problem literally with everyone he lived with and hardly found anything in life to be grateful. His complaints are endless. After meeting a few times, one day I had suggested him to spend a day just being only with positive thoughts. He was not very content with my proposal but was obliged to give it a try. On the following meeting, I found him slightly different. His attitude of being distressed replaced with certain calmness. He smiled at me and said softly, “It worked. I followed your instructions of being positive. At the beginning it was difficult. But sooner I experienced inner peace. I began to enjoy other’s company. I took interest to talk to others and I found even others were interested about me.” I encouraged him to make it a habit of being positive.

‘Being positive’ is an attitude, an approach to life. It is an art that can be kept on developing. No one is born with it rather it has to be cultivated by following some simple principles. First of all, we need to say good bye to all our negative thoughts or any activity that make us negative. We may have to discontinue our relationship with negative people. We need to appreciate the beautiful things that we possess and experience. We can recall happy memories and achievements of the past. Over all, it comes from our desire to be happy.

It is true that sometimes our demands are not met, dreams are not fulfilled, plans are not executed and our proposals are not accepted. We are misunderstood, wrongly judged and neglected by our near and dear ones. What do we do then? The simple tip is to be positive. By remaining positive we will have strength to face any difficulty.  

So, let’s make a decision to be positive. It will make a huge difference in life...

 

Tips for Happiness

(Who does not want to lead a happy, peaceful and successful life! It is a common human desire to be happy and successful. But are we happy? Many of us would reply ‘No’. In this column, I would regularly share some tips which would help us to lead a happy life. Let’s begin the journey)

No 1: A decision to be happy

Life story: Newton, a middle-aged man greeted me happily. He was well dressed up, wore a smile on his face and was smart in his dealings. After the introductory conversation, he began to narrate his life story. The issues that he shared with me are – he is unemployed, he does not have good relationship with his siblings and is in debt. While he ended up his narrative, I instantly asked him, “how do you hide your suffering? You remained very composed while sharing painful events of your life.”

He looked at me straight and smilingly said, “It is a decision that I made. I wanted to be happy in spite of all my struggles. It was my decision to be happy.”

We ended our conversation with a happy note and recently he informed me that he has managed to resolve many of his unsettled issues.

The proverb says, life is not of a bed of roses. No one can have a ‘problem free’ life. Problems are bound to happen. It can happen in any area of life. We usually become sad, distressed and frustrated over our problems. Difficult situations make our life so miserable that we want to give up. We become pessimistic. We don’t find any meaning in life. So, what do we do?

All we need is to make a decision. A decision to be happy. It is a simple decision which requires a lots of inner convictions. We can just put aside our tendency of resolving all the problems. We can just accept everything as part of our life and choose to be happy. This will make a lot of differences in life. Many of our problem will disappear once we decide to be happy. It is worthwhile to remember that happiness lies with us. No one can give me happiness unless and until I desire to be happy. We are the master of our happiness.

So, let’s make a decision to be happy. It will make a huge difference in life...

My “last” formal formation as a Jesuit!

No 9: Life goes on in the fifth week!

Often we Jesuits jokingly say that we begin the ‘fifth week in life’ after completing the 30-day long retreat.  The 30-day long retreat or the month long Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius is categorically divided into four weeks. Thus, the beginning of normal life (!), after the retreat is often referred as the fifth week. The fifth week comprises the entire life.

Interestingly, many people wanted to know if I have found any difference in my ordinary life after the long retreat which I had made recently. Some even sarcastically commented that I had become more holy after the retreat. Often, I laughed with them! But how is my journey in the fifth week!

The Covid 19 continues

I cannot deny the fact that I have been fretted with the escalating of Covid 19 in South Asia in recent days. The pandemic badly hit the lives of people. I was particularly concerned for the daily labourers, who earn their daily bread on daily basis. Many have lost their jobs and poverty rate is increasing. The media is giving full coverage of the plights of people. In front of this catastrophe, I plea to Jesus as the disciples did when they were caught in storm (Mt 8:23-27).   

The death of Fr Stan SJ in India

The untimely death of Fr Stan is deplorable. I remember getting a short message from a fellow Jesuit, who wrote: they have managed to kill him. Exasperated with the news, I thank the Lord for giving us an example, a role model. He is a martyr and a prophet of our times. He gave voice to the voiceless, stood for the justice and laid down his life for Christ. He invites us not to be a silent spectator, rather sacrificing one’s own life for others.   

The crisis in Afghanistan

The collapsed of the Afghan government was precipitated which made everything topsy-turvy. The images of desperate Afghans, who are risking their lives to flee from the country portrays a glimpse of the ground reality. I don’t know who is to be blamed for the present crisis. I am concerned for the innocent civilians. I am worried for the orphan children, for the widows, for the injured persons, for the refugees... (to be continued)

 

 

My Ten "Take-away" from the Ignatian Day

During Quarantine in a hotel in Colombo (Srilanka), just before entering into the Tertianship programme, I read James Martin’s famous book ‘The Jesuit Guide to (almost) everything’. It was a very fascinating reading as the author, a Jesuit himself shows the ways of applying Ignatian insights and Jesuit spirit (or Jesuitness) in every aspect of life. Once I began Tertianship, I have had ample opportunities to study and reflect on the life and works of St Ignatius (Inigo). On the eve of the feast of Inigo (July 31), which we Jesuit loving term as Ignatian day, I draw ten “Take-away” from the life of this great Saint. They are:

1. Striving to live a meaningful life. Life is not a bed of roses rather it is a chain of challenges from womb to tomb. We make our life meaningful by focussing on our goal, while working hard to face any challenge. Inigo was never satisfied with mediocracy. He assiduously worked hard, faced all challenges bravely and made his life meaningful.  

2. Failures are part of life. Every failure can be treated as a gateway to excel in life. The turning point of Inigo’s life was a ‘failure’ at the battleground. He rose up again and made a complete ‘U-turn’ that led him to be a founder and spiritual guru.

3. Happiness does not depend on material things or excessive possessions. The inner happiness comes from ‘being’- with the Creator, with others and with oneself. Inigo left his family palace, gave up all his richness and chose to live like a beggar.  After his conversion, he did not waste not even a drop of his sweat to make money rather he gave himself totally to ‘mission making’.

4. Optimism is a gateway to inner peace. Inigo was always optimistic and passionate of being positive.

5. Living and leading life happily is an art. No one can bring us happiness unless we decide to live a happy life. Happiness is within us, around us. Inigo was a happy person in all aspects because he chose to be happy.

6. Experiences of God vary from person to person. Inigo’s vision of God is ‘service in participation’. He believes God takes active part in our lives and He wants us as his collaborators. He found God in everything, in everywhere...

7. Decision making is an art - a process of discernment. Inigo was master of discernment. He gave enough time before making any decision and once a decision is made he stood by it.  

8. Friends are hidden treasures in life. Inigo valued human relationship and was very expressive in his relationship with others. He regularly kept in touch with his friends irrespective of their age, sex and professions.

9. Inigo never had any double standard. He was very outspoken and refused to make any compromise with his values and principles.

10. Real leader exercises leadership by example. Inigo believed in action rather than mere words.  

Let Inigo continue to inspire us all!

Happy feast of St Ignatius to all of you (30/07/21, Kandy Tertianship).