31 days!

July 8: Pescador de hombres

Yesterday I had an opportunity to attend the priestly ordination of a Jesuit. This was not the first priestly ordination I have ever attended. I have had attended many ordinations, even being involved directly as the master of ceremony. But this ordination was very particular. Right from beginning of the ceremony, I was reminded of course on the sacraments, which I have just finished. I remembered different important aspects like the theological expiations, the church teachings and the Biblical references of the sacrament of the ordine. When the Bishop was saying the ordination prayer, my companion who was sitting beside me whispered to me saying, “Ripon your time is coming soon!” I knew he was refereeing to my priestly ordination! I looked at him and we exchanged a witty smile.

31 days!

July 2: Todo por Jesús (Everything for Jesus)


I have come to Salamanca for the Spanish language course. We are 17 participants from Europe, America, Africa and Asia. I did not find any familiar face. It was really great to meet different people- hailing from different culture. Everyone has unique dream. We had formal and informal meetings. We shared our dreams of taking up Spanish language. I felt quite at ease with the group. Perhaps that is one of the great things of being Jesuit- we are all friends in the Lord. All the Jesuit communities are like our own home and we are well accepted wherever you go.

I paid a quick visit to the Jesuit community. It is relatively a big community. It is a centre of Jesuit formation as well as infirmary. It is a place where Jesuits prepare themselves for the mission and also return to very place at the end of the mission. While we were visiting the senior Jesuits at the infirmary, our guide was pointing to us some of the great works these Jesuits have done in the life time.

At end of the day when I returned to my room to sleep I noticed a photo of St Ignatius, hanging on the wall. Just below the photo it was written in Spanish, ‘todo por Jesús’ means everything for Jesus. How true it is in the life of many Jesuits- past and present!!!

30 days!

July 1: I have come a long way!

I left Rome with a bit of nervousness and anxieties. Though I travelled alone many times before but this time I was feeling a bit lonely. I was sad to think that almost three months I would be away from my community and I would have hardly opportunity to meet my companions. I wish I could have been with friends, especially with whom I like to talk and share my life. But sadly I was all alone. I must admit that the night before leaving Rome I could not sleep. In the morning I just took a caffe and left my community.

I took a bus from Termini to arrive at the airport. I got into a deep sleep as soon as bus began to move. At one point I noticed that a boy came and sat next to me. I was so tired that I did not feel like engaging any conversation with him. I continued to sleep. I got up when I heard a voice telling me, “We have arrived.” I opened my eyes and saw a beautiful young girl asking me to get up. I thanked her. The boy who sat next to me left me without telling me anything. But that girl, who must have noticed that I was in deep sleep, took initiative and reached out to me. Perhaps girls are more generous than boys!

I did not have any difficulty to get into my flight. I was so tired that during the entire journey slept. I was very hungry when I arrived in Madrid. I did not want to spend time on eating as I had to change tree trains to reach to my destination Salamanca. I had met a few generous people, who helped me whenever I needed any help. I reached in Salamanca around 4:30 pm. As soon as I got into my room I got a phone call from my aunt. When I explained to her about my journey, she said, “You have come a long way! Jesuits have trained to you face any situation.” I knew she was referring to my days at home. At home I was very quiet and shy person. Yes, over the years things have changed. I have indeed come a long way!!!

‘I have had a fear, but I took courage!’

I have almost decided to give up! I spent two days flipping over pages. The over 150 pages of notes appeared to me ‘playing of words.’ I have tried to make some sense out of them. All time it was fruitless effort. Though initially I had an intention of burning my midnight oil, but the repeated failures forced me to retire on bed. I switched off my light at 1:30 and put on again at 5:00. I sat at my desk again. I opened my notes. I thought something I would remember from the previous day. Everything appeared to me new. I had only five hours left before I meet my professor. I did not know what I should do! I have almost decided to give up. I left my room for the breakfast. Near the dining room, I met our co-worker Anna. She helps us to keep order in the house. Usually she does not speak. She is one of the three women among the 40 plus men in the community. She would be also one of the youngest most among us. As usual I said, “ciao.” She replied. I proceeded.

“Rozario” she called me. “Yesterday I gave blood.” I did not quite understand as she spoke in Italian very fast. I thought she was sick. I asked what was wrong with her.

“I donated blood to one of my relatives” she said. “It was first time for me. I have had fear. Then I took courage and everything went on well” she said smilingly and left. The simple words touched me. It kept on coming ‘I have had fear but I took courage.’ I proceeded.

At the breakfast table I was all alone. I asked myself, why can’t I take courage? By the time I returned to my room I was already very positive. Soon my anxieties and fear left me. I opened my notes. I began to read.

And the rest is a history. I went to the university and had my exams. Of course I returned to my community smilingly!!!

Little happiness for her!

That news brought much joy to me. The moment I heard the news, her innocent face came into my mind. For a while, I lost in the memory...

Anondi is her name. The English translation of her name would be ‘happiness or joy.’ But contrary, till today this is what she has missed more. Perhaps this very word was not written in her life dictionary. I know her from the day she came into this world. When she was born I must have been 12 or 13 years old. She was born in a very poor family. All the more, her father was an alcoholic. Whatever he was earning, he would spend on drinking. There was constant quarrel between her parents. Her father would beat her mother often. Her arrival in this world was not well received. First of all she is a girl and secondly the coloure of her skin.

Her parents got two more children. Both were boys.  As her mother would work in houses of rich people, Anondi had to look after them. She would have begun to cook for the entire family when she was just nine or ten years old. In spite of all the problems, her mother wanted to give her children education. She got all of them enrolled in the school. But Anondi did not do well in school as she had to do a lot of works at home. She discontinued.

Years went by. The sad story of Anondi continued. By now she accepted her fate. Meanwhile I left home. I would meet Anondi once in a while. In my last meeting I saw she was already grown up. Her parents were trying to arrange a marriage for her. But the coloure of her skin became a problem. Anondi shared with me her sad stories. She was afraid that as her father constantly beat her mother and one day he might kill her. When she was talking to me her eyes were filled with tears.

Then last September I got the sad news that her mother committed suicide. I really felt very sad. I was worried for Anondi. I know my culture! I know my society! I knew how difficult it would be for Anondi to find a life partner. I could only see the darkness ahead of Anondi. I wish I could help her in some way! But...

Life keeps on going. I would often try to collect some news of Anondi. Recently I heard her father kept on taking alcohol. Her brothers stopped going to school. This is what happens in a family without mother...And then, I got the news. A marriage has been arranged for her. She is due to get married in June, this year. I wish and pray finally for her ‘joyful life!’

(I come from a country, where there are many more Anondi...I feel sad for them...the society, the culture, the people are against them...I wish I could reach out them...if I could add little happiness in their lives...)

Faults are thick where love is thin!

I must confess that ‘those days’ I was too simple! Too innocent! I would think and perceive things in different ways than I do today. I was just out of the novitiate, the first stage of Jesuit formation. I prefer to call the novitiate ‘the Jesuit making factory (!). I had just passed a few weeks since I took my first vows. The teachings of my novice director were still vivid in my mind. He knew soon I would be entering into a new world. The two years in the Novitiate was many ways a ‘protected and safe haven.'

How big is my God!

These days often I ask myself, “How big is my God?”

Being in Rome, I am fortunate enough to see the ‘BIG’ places of God. There are hundreds of Churches, lots of holy places related to saints and the tombs of saints and their relics are to be found in every corner of Rome. The priests, religious men and women are very much visible in the streets of Rome. All these places and people are supposed to manifest God. But do we really find God?

The spirituality, which I try to follow, is Ignatian Spirituality. My knowledge of Ignatian spirituality is very limited. But one sentence of St Ignatius, “finding God in everything” always keeps me down to earth. Sometimes I make God BIG and sometimes I make very small. Every task I perform, every word I utter, every moment I spend with others show how BIG or small is my God.

There is a growing tendency to make God small. We are comfortable to make ourselves BIG. Thus we make everything external BIG. This gives us identity. But our true identity God often remains small.

As I often ask myself, how big is my God!, I also wish if I could make my God BIG!