Tips for Happiness

No. 9: Enjoying the silence

Life story: Years back, when I was in Europe, I had gone for vacations along with two of my friends. On the first day, we sat together to plan out the itinerary of the trip. We had a long list of ‘what to do’ and ‘what to see’. We were fully immersed in our discussion, when one of us philosophically said, “I suggest that we have some quiet moments every day. I want to enjoy the silence.” Though we were a bit surprised, but we accepted the proposal. Every day we kept aside ‘free time’. It was meant to spend time with oneself. On the last day, we acknowledged that it was a wise decision that we have had some quiet times. During those quiet moments, we felt close to ourselves, close to God and in the process we felt close to each other.

We are busy people in a busy world. From dawn to dusk, we keep ourselves busy with ‘doing’. Sometimes 24 hours is not sufficient. Many of us prepare the list of ‘task to complete’ before going to bed for the next day. It has also become a ritual for many to begin the day by browsing through internet and conclude the day by doing the same.  

In the lives of many great personalities we find ‘silence’ has a special place. They stated that they had found ‘inspiration and consolations’ during quiet moments. St Ignatius of Loyola invites his followers to spend some quiet time every day. The silence rejuvenates us, gives us energy and refreshes us. It helps us to lead a happy life.

So, let’s make a decision to enjoy the silence everyday.  It will make a huge difference in life...

 

Tips for Happiness

No.8: Remembering the graceful moments of life

Life story: I used to visit her every Sunday as part of my pastoral activities. She was in her eighties, a retired teacher.  She lived alone and did all her chores by herself. Her children occasionally came to visit her. I would always find a serenity on her face and gracefulness in her approach. She never complained about anything. One day, I took little courage and asked her, “what makes you so happy all the times?” She smiled and gently said, “I am blessed. I have been blessed with so many beautiful things in life. I ponder over those moments and thank the Almighty. I have nothing to regret.”

Life is a chain of events. Some events bring joy whereas some other events bring sadness. It is the combination both - achievements and failures. It is our human tendency that we remember the sorrowful events quite easily. We don’t easily remember the people who have done great things for us. Rather, with hatred we remember the people who have hurt us or caused pain for us. We hardly count the blessings that we have received.

Many positive psychologists would suggest to recall the blessings of life, whenever we are sad. Reflecting over the grace-filled moments can rejuvenate our lives. It will boast our self-image, especially if we are going through the difficult times. In other word, it will make our life happy.

So, let’s make a decision to recall the graceful moments of life.  It will make a huge difference in life...

 

Tips for Happiness

No. 7: Accepting oneself

Life story: Years back, I met Georgia in a youth gathering. She was physically partial disabled. Practically everyone knew her in the group. Some would show special concern for her. She was full of life. She would talk to everyone smilingly and tried to take part in every common activity. Whenever she was not able to perform well, she would jokingly say about her physical disability. One day, I asked her, “don’t you feel bad about yourself when people make fun of you?” She looked at me straight and smilingly said, “I don’t have time to reflect about others comment. I love myself and I accept myself as I am.”

There are lots of people who suffer intensely because they find difficult to accept themselves. Often they compare themselves with others. They feel jealous of others or they suffer from low self-image.

Our life will experience positive changes if we can accept ourselves as we are. The positive psychologists would constantly insist on having the attitude of accepting ourselves. It gives us inner peace and makes our life happy.

So, let’s make a decision to accept ourselves as we are.  It will make a huge difference in life...

 

Tips for Happiness

No 6: Friends are blessings

Life story: Sr Manu, a catholic nun from Asia arrived in Italy, without having any knowledge of Italian language. Everything was new to her.  She was a complete stranger to an unknown country. By nature, she was very friendly. She would always keep a smile on her face. She was humble enough to seek others help and ever ready to help others. She soon won the hearts of many. She found many friends. She was always surrounded by others. One day I asked her, “how do you manage to cultivate friendship? You have become a popular figure. Everybody knows you. Everybody loves you.” She just replied, “friends are blessings for me. I like to know many people. They enrich my life. I love people.”

The proverb says, if you have found a true friend, you have found a treasure. Friends are special gifts to us. We can share everything with them. Even the secrets of lives, which we find difficult to share with our family members, we can easily share with our friends. They are always there with us to share our sorrows as well as our joy. They are the one to support us when we fail and to celebrate our success. They add meaning to our lives and make our life happy.

We are not born with friends. Friendship has to be cultivated. It does not require any special effort. We need to be sincere, authentic and show interest about others. Then we will find many friends and our life will become a happy life.   

So, let’s make a decision to cultivate friends.  It will make a huge difference in life...

 

Tips for Happiness

No. 5: Nobody is Perfect!

Life Story: Shanti, a 40 years old narrated to her spiritual guide about the imperfections of others. The guide had generously allowed her to pour out all her bitter experiences. She kept on repeating the imperfections of others each time she met her guide. One day, while sharing an event, she happened to say, “partially that was my mistake too”. The guide paused for a while and ironically said, “so you can make mistake! This is the first time I heard it from you.” She immediately replied, “of course, I can. I am a human being. I have so many imperfections.” The guide immediately encouraged her to share some of her imperfections in life. She began to share another side of her life, which she never shared with her guide. From that day onwards, changes began to take place in the life of Shanti. She found the inner peace that she was desperately looking for.

Perfection is a virtue. From the religious teachings to the social teachings, we find everywhere an earnest appeal to remain perfect. It is also a desire of many, who want to be perfect in order to be happy. But humanly speaking, it is not always possible to remain perfect. We make mistakes. We commit sins. We fall into temptations. We find some elements of imperfections in the lives of many great personalities. Sadly, we find some people find extremely difficult to accept their imperfections. They want to remain perfect!

Pope Francis once said, “there is no perfect family, no perfect father, no perfect mother and no perfect children. We are all imperfect. When we accept others imperfections, we accept our imperfections. Similarly, when we accept our imperfections, we accept others imperfections too. And in this process, we make our life a happy life.

So, let’s make a decision to accept our imperfect self.  It will make a huge difference in life...

 

Tips for Happiness

No 4. Let it be

Life story: Years back, I was asked to deliver a speech in front of a distinguished guest. My director instructed me to prepare well. He gently reminded me that my performance would portray the reputation of the institute. I took enough preparation. But, I made some simple errors while delivering the speech. I felt I had dishonoured my director. I was quite sure that he would scold me for the errors. I was so disturbed that I went to him to ask pardon. But to my great surprise he smilingly said, “let it be. It is past now. Do your best next time.” This was for the first time, that the simple expression, “let it be” brought a lot of consolations to me. I was inspired to do well next time.

There are successes and failures in our life. Every success rejuvenates us, while every failure makes us digressed. Though successes and failures are part of life, we find extremely difficult to accept our failures. The repercussion of failure leads us to give up everything even to the extent that some people want to get away with life.

One of the best ways, to accept the failure is to have the attitude of ‘let it be’. The attitude of ‘let it be’ helps us to forget the failures. In a more simplistic term, it means ‘why worry about every little thing. Just enjoy the life.’ If we have the disposition of ‘let it be’ then many problems of our life will be automatically resolved. It helps us to live a happier life.

So, let’s make a decision to have an attitude of ‘let it be’. It will make a huge difference in life...

 

Tips for Happiness

No. 3: Being present

Life story: It was during one my annual retreats, when I was constantly getting distracted with many dreams and plans for the future. I was not able to concentrate on my prayer and was feeling restless. I shared my inner turmoil with the retreat guide. He was prudent enough to recognize the elements of evil spirit. He instructed me to dwell in the present and not to entertain any dreams. I followed his instructions. Gradually, I got back the spirit of silence and I could finish my retreat quite fruitfully.  

It is good to have plans for the future. Psychologists insist on having dreams and inspiration for a successful life. As the former president of India, APJ Abdul Kalam rightly said, “Dream is not that which you see while sleeping it is something that does not let you sleep.” But there is a concept call ‘day-dream.’ Day dream takes us away from the present, and places us in the world of fantasy. Day dream does not become reality rather it kills our precious time.  

Unfortunately, many of us dedicate our precious time either thinking about the future or recalling the past. The past memory can make us guilty while the future can make us anxious. It can also bring the ‘momentary joy’. But, in the process, we miss out the present. The present has many things to offer us. Unless and until we live in the present, we miss out many opportunities. Being in the present moment is also considered living our life with full mindfulness. Living our life with full mindfulness, eventually leads us to happiness.  

So, let’s make a decision to be in the present. It will make a huge difference in life...

 

Tips for Happiness

(Who does not want to lead a happy, peaceful and successful life! It is a common human desire to be happy and successful. But are we happy? Many of us would reply ‘No’. In this column, I would regularly share some tips which would help us to lead a happy life. Let’s begin the journey)

No 2: Be positive

Life story: Jonas had problem literally with everyone he lived with and hardly found anything in life to be grateful. His complaints are endless. After meeting a few times, one day I had suggested him to spend a day just being only with positive thoughts. He was not very content with my proposal but was obliged to give it a try. On the following meeting, I found him slightly different. His attitude of being distressed replaced with certain calmness. He smiled at me and said softly, “It worked. I followed your instructions of being positive. At the beginning it was difficult. But sooner I experienced inner peace. I began to enjoy other’s company. I took interest to talk to others and I found even others were interested about me.” I encouraged him to make it a habit of being positive.

‘Being positive’ is an attitude, an approach to life. It is an art that can be kept on developing. No one is born with it rather it has to be cultivated by following some simple principles. First of all, we need to say good bye to all our negative thoughts or any activity that make us negative. We may have to discontinue our relationship with negative people. We need to appreciate the beautiful things that we possess and experience. We can recall happy memories and achievements of the past. Over all, it comes from our desire to be happy.

It is true that sometimes our demands are not met, dreams are not fulfilled, plans are not executed and our proposals are not accepted. We are misunderstood, wrongly judged and neglected by our near and dear ones. What do we do then? The simple tip is to be positive. By remaining positive we will have strength to face any difficulty.  

So, let’s make a decision to be positive. It will make a huge difference in life...

 

Tips for Happiness

(Who does not want to lead a happy, peaceful and successful life! It is a common human desire to be happy and successful. But are we happy? Many of us would reply ‘No’. In this column, I would regularly share some tips which would help us to lead a happy life. Let’s begin the journey)

No 1: A decision to be happy

Life story: Newton, a middle-aged man greeted me happily. He was well dressed up, wore a smile on his face and was smart in his dealings. After the introductory conversation, he began to narrate his life story. The issues that he shared with me are – he is unemployed, he does not have good relationship with his siblings and is in debt. While he ended up his narrative, I instantly asked him, “how do you hide your suffering? You remained very composed while sharing painful events of your life.”

He looked at me straight and smilingly said, “It is a decision that I made. I wanted to be happy in spite of all my struggles. It was my decision to be happy.”

We ended our conversation with a happy note and recently he informed me that he has managed to resolve many of his unsettled issues.

The proverb says, life is not of a bed of roses. No one can have a ‘problem free’ life. Problems are bound to happen. It can happen in any area of life. We usually become sad, distressed and frustrated over our problems. Difficult situations make our life so miserable that we want to give up. We become pessimistic. We don’t find any meaning in life. So, what do we do?

All we need is to make a decision. A decision to be happy. It is a simple decision which requires a lots of inner convictions. We can just put aside our tendency of resolving all the problems. We can just accept everything as part of our life and choose to be happy. This will make a lot of differences in life. Many of our problem will disappear once we decide to be happy. It is worthwhile to remember that happiness lies with us. No one can give me happiness unless and until I desire to be happy. We are the master of our happiness.

So, let’s make a decision to be happy. It will make a huge difference in life...

My “last” formal formation as a Jesuit!

No 9: Life goes on in the fifth week!

Often we Jesuits jokingly say that we begin the ‘fifth week in life’ after completing the 30-day long retreat.  The 30-day long retreat or the month long Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius is categorically divided into four weeks. Thus, the beginning of normal life (!), after the retreat is often referred as the fifth week. The fifth week comprises the entire life.

Interestingly, many people wanted to know if I have found any difference in my ordinary life after the long retreat which I had made recently. Some even sarcastically commented that I had become more holy after the retreat. Often, I laughed with them! But how is my journey in the fifth week!

The Covid 19 continues

I cannot deny the fact that I have been fretted with the escalating of Covid 19 in South Asia in recent days. The pandemic badly hit the lives of people. I was particularly concerned for the daily labourers, who earn their daily bread on daily basis. Many have lost their jobs and poverty rate is increasing. The media is giving full coverage of the plights of people. In front of this catastrophe, I plea to Jesus as the disciples did when they were caught in storm (Mt 8:23-27).   

The death of Fr Stan SJ in India

The untimely death of Fr Stan is deplorable. I remember getting a short message from a fellow Jesuit, who wrote: they have managed to kill him. Exasperated with the news, I thank the Lord for giving us an example, a role model. He is a martyr and a prophet of our times. He gave voice to the voiceless, stood for the justice and laid down his life for Christ. He invites us not to be a silent spectator, rather sacrificing one’s own life for others.   

The crisis in Afghanistan

The collapsed of the Afghan government was precipitated which made everything topsy-turvy. The images of desperate Afghans, who are risking their lives to flee from the country portrays a glimpse of the ground reality. I don’t know who is to be blamed for the present crisis. I am concerned for the innocent civilians. I am worried for the orphan children, for the widows, for the injured persons, for the refugees... (to be continued)