Adieu Fr Aelred Gomes SJ!

The person who moulded me as a Jesuit…

On August 1, while offering Mass in the morning, I got a few missed calls from a Jesuit companion. Guessing something important, immediately after the Mass, I called him back. On receiving my call, he said, “Fr Aelred Gomes is no more.” This news came to me as a huge shock. I was well informed about his illness, but his sudden departure was beyond my imagination. Last year around this time, I spoke to him over the phone. He inquired about my study, my future plan, and promised to share with me certain issues when we meet in person. Had I known that would be my last conversation with him, I would have talked to him a little more!

My first meeting…

In 1998, I was studying in Notre Dame College and was staying in the BCS hostel, Asad Gate in Dhaka. It was the time that I began to interact with the Jesuits (the Society of Jesus), that later become my second home. I was in touch with Fr Jerry Gomes SJ (then a scholastic) and was trying to explore the possibility of joining the Jesuits. One day, Fr Jerry informed me that his Provincial Superior, Fr Aelred Gomes SJ, was on an official visit to Bangladesh and he would come to the hostel to meet me. I was little bit nervous and anxious to meet an Indian priest. But the simplicity of his life and the intellectual calibre had touched me on the first meeting itself. He wore very simple dress, had put on cheap sandals and carried an ordinary handbag with him. After the initial talk, he began to talk Rabindranath Tagore, Bangla band, cinema, computer, cricket...finally just before leaving, he invited me to join the Jesuits after the final exam.

My second meeting…

I did join the Jesuits in Dhaka after my final exam in 1999 along with another four companions. In 2000, having completed his tenure as provincial Superior, Fr Aelred came to Bangladesh for a short break. We began to stay in the same community and he began to teach us English. His creative method of teaching English was remarkable. Once during prayer on the Eid day, the biggest Muslim festival, he made us read a short refection on the inner meaning of Eid from the Bengali newspaper Prothom Alo and asked us to reflect and pray. It was the first time ever in my life that I had the taste of a different prayer. During his stay with us, he made us to see, reflect and know the world from a very different perspective. He was always eager to learn and could easily engage in conversation from spirituality to computer, from art to sport, from philosophy to politics …and list is endless.

My third meeting…that till the end of his life

After having completed the pre-noviciate in Dhaka, I along with another three companions were sent to Calcutta for the Noviciate, the first canonical stage of Jesuit formation. Just before going for the Noviciate, we were told that Fr Aelred Gomes would be our Novice Master. Thus, in the Noviciate, I began a journey with him, which lasted almost till his death.

I have many memories of Fr Aelred. He is the man who moulded me as a Jesuit.

Today, 

• If I claim that I have some Ignatian spirit or Jesuit spirit, it is because of him.
• If I claim that I have certain principles and philosophy of life, it is because of him.
• If I claim that I love Tagore songs, or classical Bengali films, it is because of him.
• If I claim that I can pray with text of some great personalities or Sacred Scriptures of other religions, it is because of him.
• If I claim to enjoy the inner beauty of consecrated life it is because of him.

I have many memories of Fr Aelred. I am ever grateful to all that he had done and been to me. Thanks Fr Aelred for being so kind to me, for inserting in me the spirituality of St Ignatius and for encouraging me for what I am today. We shall meet again...till then continue to inspire me...

(This short piece I penned immedieately on hearing the death news of Fr Aelred Gomes SJ)

Looking back and turning forward

15 years ago on this day...

June 21, 2002, the day marked as my first commitment (first vows) to the Society of Jesus. We were 13 of us, of which six are ordained priests, two will be ordained soon, two professed brothers and three have found their new vocation in married life.

The memory of the day is still vivid to me. Our novice master made sure that we were ready spiritually. We had eight days retreat just before the vows day. During retreat, just to compile together all my sentiments and feelings, I composed a song which was sung on the vows day.

I don't claim that I was ready for three vows or I knew the intrinsic meaning of the three vows. At the end of two years of noviciate, I applied for vows and was given permission to pronounce three vows in the presence of Fr Provincial. I enjoyed the day with my companions. I enjoyed the festivity. I enjoyed the greetings of the many Jesuits, "welcome to the club."

After 15 long years, I am convinced that three vows were three traffic signals that directed my journey. I begin to realize that these vows never bound me rather set me free. They helped me to be more real human being. They helped me to acknowledge my shortcomings and failures.

Today, after 15 long years, I am reminded that the grace of the Lord is with me. It is an assurance that he accepts me as I am. Perhaps, today he invites me to build a bridge between my real self and actual self...

Adieu Sister Shushila! We will meet again…

A spoke to Sr Shushila probably a month ago. She did not have any mobile phone. She requested a nun to give me a call. She spoke a lot…a lot. She wanted to speak more. I allowed her to speak. She asked me, how do I feel? What do I eat? When do I pray? How is my health? How is my study…She wanted to get my mobile number and expressed her desire to talk to me more often. At the end of the conversation she passed on to the nun, who informed me that Sr Shushila was just diagnosed with cancer and she is in her advantaged stage.  

Then just a week ago, I called the same nun who knew Sr Shushila well. On receiving my call, she said in a sober voice, “why did not you call all these days? Sr Shushila was desperately looking for a chance to talk to you. She wanted to tell you so many things.”

“Please take your phone to her. I wanted to talk to her.” I said hurriedly.

“It is too late. She has been senseless and she cannot recognize anyone for the last three days” she said and wept.  

And today I got the news of her passing away…She has gone to her Divine spouse, her Master, whom she served so faithfully. I will always regret of not talking to her for the last time. I could not hear her last word. She will never tell me, Ripon tumi bhalo father hoye thakbe shobsomoy (Ripon be a good priest all the time).

Sr Shushila was not known to me for many years. She was in her early eighties and I was in my early thirties. I still remember the day, when I met her for the first time. After the holy mass, she came to me and asked me to visit a sick person with her. I happily agreed. From then onwards, she would always inform me about the sick people and asked me to visit. I would often visit sick people with her. She knew all the sick people of the parish. She was also aware of the problems of the people and tried to help them, whenever she could. She would love to be with the people.

Then she got transferred. But she never forgot me. She would always come to visit me. She would call me from other’s mobile phone and tell me to be a prayerful and holy priest. The last word she uttered to me was to be a holy priest. Just before leaving for Bangladesh, I met her and spoke. She was telling me again and again that she would die before I return to the country. That day I did not realize how true were her words.

She died on the Mother’s Day. She was truly a mother to me. She taught me how to love the poor and sick people.

I am convinced that she is in heaven and she is praying for me. Adieu Sr Shushila! We will meet again…

Let’s talk about sexuality!

This is might be a crazy thing for a priest to talk about sexuality! At least, as a young boy I never expected that priests should speak on sex, sexuality or intimacy…! All I thought and believed that they were angelic! They were beyond sexual desire and temptation. Oh, what a foolish I was…

Let me begin with a personal experience. Usually at the end of any session or a talk, sometimes, depending on the group, I ask the participants to ask me any question, related to topic or beyond. I also polity tell them that I would answer if only I knew. Once I was taking session for over hundred students aged 16-18 on friendship. To capture their attention for the entire morning, as I was asked to do so, I had to use a lot of stories, video clips etc. At the end, I gave them time for clarification and questions. Many interesting questions ranging from my childhood stories to vocation story then to the experience of my first love…and what not! Suddenly one question brought the entire group in a pinpoint silence. Someone from the last seat asked me, “hey Father are you sexually active?” Everybody looked at me. I paused for a while and before answering his question, I told him that I have a question for him (a very Jesuitica indeed!). “What do you mean by sexuality?” “Having genital sex with opposite sex” he replied quickly. The entire class broke into laughter. “Well”, I said “according to your definition I am not sexually active” but then I looked at the participants and said, “but to the real sense of the word sexuality, I am a sexually being.”  “How father?” Many asked!

“Sexuality is not genital sex. Sexuality is my entire self. I am a human being as well as I am a sexual being. My sexuality is a gift that I received from God. The way I talk, the way I deal with others, the way I relate to God- reveal my sexuality” I replied spontaneously without any pause.

After many years of taking my vow of chastity, I begin to realize that my vow of chastity makes me more free. It gives freedom to my sexuality. It allows me to appreciate my body and helps me to be more affective. It helps me to develop a relationship of giving and receiving based on love. I am happy a human being- as a Jesuit, as a priest because I am happy with my sexuality.