When everything is dark!

When someone asked me yesterday how I was, I responded, “I’m a bit down these days.’’ “Come on man, you cannot be. You are all time smiling and going around with your usual activities.” I knew he did not believe me. So I turned a twist and said, “Oh I am just kidding you!” And then we moved to other topics. Time and again I do ask others, ‘how are you’, but often I am not serious. I just ask for sake of asking!

I love you always!

I must confess that I was not supposed to read that particular email. It was a sheer accident. I was in a studio of the Vatican Radio along with some of my companions. Someone was explaining to us different techniques of the radio. At one point my eyes fixed on a computer. Someone must have opened email and forgot to signout. The bolded letters short message reads “ ti voglio sempre bene anche con la tosse.” The English translation would be, I always love you even with your cough. This message clicked me. I looked again. And again!

We are friends in the Lord!

(Remembering a companion, who is suffering in the hospital bed and the doctors are reportedly have said that his days are counted...)

I am quite sure that this short piece will never reach to you. You must be in your hospital bed, when I type this. You must be silently suffering. There may be someone with you. Your mother must be sitting very close to you. She must be praying to God a hundred times for your speedy recovery. She must be remembering your childhood days. The things you did – perhaps something funny! Her suffering reminds me the suffering of our dear Mother Mary. She saw terrible sufferings of her dear Son Jesus. Your brother might be silently asking God, ‘why?’ He must be also recalling all the moments you both have spent together. They might include little fights at the dining table or at the play ground.

Life changes!

Yesterday while having dinner alone, it clicked me that how my life has changed during the course of time. There were times when I would have hated to have meal alone. I would always expect others company. Now sometime I do take meal alone and most of the time I did not notice even! As a child I would always dine with my near and dear ones. Later on, while staying in the student’s hostel or initial stages of formation I would dine always in the company of others. Still I remember the most difficult time I passed once during my first year of regency. I had to be all alone in the house just for three days. It was not that I was frightened! But I felt terrible. I missed the presence of others. Then again I had to be along during my second year of regency in Dublin for a few days. As we were all busy with different activities at one point everyone had to be out except me. When my Superior noticed it, though he himself was away, asked me if I could stay alone. Though I said yes but it was also difficult. Now I am quite comfortable having meal alone!!!
Perhaps this is what we could call changing faces of life. I clearly see the difference of way I see things now, the way I judge, the way I deal with others... I will not term it as a positive sign or as a negative sign. But they make me wonder! They make me to reflect. Sometimes I ask myself, is life changing too fast! Perhaps this is what we would call, life changes!!!

Oh love!!!

“My life has been shattered. She has ruined me. Many a times, I read in the novels and watched in the films this sort of stories. But I never thought it would happen in my life too. You were right. I regret why I did not listen to you.’’ From the other side of the phone Piyal said as I received the phone. I was a bit shocked. Piyal (name changed) is one of my good friends. He is an ex-Jesuit. We stayed together six long years together. We have had many good memories. I was surprised and sad when he left the Jesuit. As far as I knew him, he had a heart for the poor and always wanted to work for the betterment of the people. But something happened along the way. When he informed me that he was leaving the Jesuits I was literally shocked. I could not talk to him much as I was far away from him. I tried to convince him. But his love for ‘her’ was too deep. As I knew the girl I asked him to be careful. I doubted about the motivation of the girl. But as saying goes, love is blind; my friend left the Jesuits for her. All he wanted to is to love here and have a good life.

But he never imaged that the girl was just playing with him. She played with him three long years. But at the end she eloped with a Hindu boy. All these years, she kept it secret and pretended others, specially her parents that she was having an affair with my friend. But when she found an appropriate time she eloped with him.

At the end of our conversation he asked me, “Why love has ruined my life?” I have no reply. I have no words of consolation for my friend. (To be continued)